did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
