Define "chronic" masturbator.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
