I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
