So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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