just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
