i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its liver damage thursday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
