I don't usually arrange sex via text message
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
