I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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