help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
