She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
