Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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