so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
