Don't make out with my wife yet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
