im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
