Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
