Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
