I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
