We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
