I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
