OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
