I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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