Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
