i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
