I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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