her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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