I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
