Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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