I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
