all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
