Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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