On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
