Define "chronic" masturbator.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone signed my nipple.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
