i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need water and some morals
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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