Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
