yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
