On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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