I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
