Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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