HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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