omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
