Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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