If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh god it's open bar.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
