ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
