Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
