He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
