if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
