She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize