The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
