No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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