So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
