Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
