Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
