Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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