I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my being single is dangerous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
