"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize