Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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