So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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