ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
