Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
