If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
