so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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