i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he shaved USA in his pubs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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