I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
