i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
