Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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