I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
