Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
