Even the bartender felt bad for me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
