i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize