She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
