Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
