Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
