She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
