Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
