Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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