I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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