My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
