Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
