I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
false alarm. still invincible.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
