He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
