you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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