Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
