Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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