apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
