I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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