Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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