I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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