Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
