yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
