I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
