I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
