Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
