I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
