Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please don't give away my fajitas
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