Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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