those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
