i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
false alarm. still invincible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
