On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
