At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
