I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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