Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
