If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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