I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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