I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
