he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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