whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
