Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
