At least make sure they are 18
Why
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
