that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
