I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We are two peas in an std pod
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
