yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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