Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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