Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
