this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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